It is time to re-evaluate everything.
From career, personal life, investment to the future, pretty much everything needs re-evaluation. I have put this off for too long. Now it is the time.
First thing first, let's talk about work, career. I am approaching 40 years mark. That is a milestone for me. I should be able to achieve something and make my career path clear before I hit this milestone. Before 30 years mark, I am still exploring with different environments, different companies. That is explainable. But from year 30 to 40, I should be able to find myself a path. If there is something worth trying, then it is time to try it out. There are only 3 years time left before I hit this mark, 3 years, or 1000 days, to be exactly. I have 1000 days to figure out what I want to be in the rest of my life time.
Good thing is that I finally have a manager in my title, Technical Project Manager. But in reality, there is nothing special about it. I do not think my salary will increase anyhow in the near future unless I have re-defined my role and involvement in the company. In the next one year or half, things will be changed rapidly in my company. So besides doing my job well and very well, I should do the followings:
- Prepare for the unseen. Update the resume and polish it. Prepare to look for new opportunities.
- Pay special attention to the Chinese market development. If there is opportunity, volunteer to go back to China to establish this market.
- Take control of your project and your team and make sure your position in the team is solid.
It is still too early to tell what will exactly happen in one year. But it does not matter that much if I can prepare myself for everything.
In this tough world, if I do not have a good job, nothing else can be realized. So that is my first and top priority.
Secondly, let's talk about life, or personal life or married life. Things are in a mess right now. Or at least that is what I feel about it. I am not sure where this will eventually lead to but frankly I do not care much about it anyway.
After filing for divorce and struggle for about 2 years, the case is withdrawn. But that does not mean our relationship is improved. I hope to show her some of my kindness by helping her with the GC application. But as the matter of fact, she is not showing much kindness to me as the return. Sometime I am not sure whether I am pushing her over the fine line. I am in a dilemma, if she does cross the line, then I can still cancel the GC. But if she does not, there is no guarantee that she will not cross the line in the future. The only one I care about is my son, I hope he can grow up to be a happy and normal kid. I do not want to impact his life with my selfish decisions.
Recent visit to Xi'an confirmed the popular saying about China. And I understand and feel why so many people want to go back to China after they have established themselves in the states. And as one of my ultimate goal, I am thinking about chances to go back to China seriously. If there is such opportunity, I will go for it no matter what she thinks.
We are not a normal married couple. We do not eat together, we do not sleep together, and we do not have much talk together either. And I do not think the normal marriage life should look like this. If this is not fixable, sooner or later, our marriage will break apart. And I am ready for that.
After return from Xi'an, my mode cannot be adjusted back. My feeling is getting stronger and stronger about Xi'an. That is the emotional part. Reality is that I should focus on my career and look for opportunities to go back. Maybe I am thirsty for love for so long. I am not sure.
Third thing is about personal health. Recently I feel bad about my health. Most of the time in the morning after wake up, I feel shortness in breath and chest congestion. Originally I thought it was either cold or something to do with smoking. I have smoked 10 packs of cigareets in 3 months time frame. That is definitely too much smoke for me. As I am approaching the 40 years mark, I should look after myself more and more. Remember I still have long life left to run.
Now the fourth thing, investment, finance, real-estate. All these things are related. I do not think in the near future, I will purchase any real-estate in the states. I just have too much burden on my shoulders. That is also the reason I am considering real-estate in SH market. It can be my living place if I go back to China in the near future, and it can be a good time to start investing in SH housing market since it was down quite much in the last time.
As of investment, I do not think I have put as much money as I like into either stock market or IRA. I should plan these aggressively since I do not need money short time for the housing. If she really get the labor card, I will not wait for more than 2 months before spliting the living expense in half. We will see.
Some final thoughts about time management. Compared with 1 or 2 years back when my son is small, I have much more time now in my hands. That does not mean I have sufficient time to play online games, watch TV drama series, or browse Internet endlessly. It is really the time to think hard about your 1000 days plan and try your best to achieve it.
Calm down, this is not the end of the world. Although sometime I do feel that I lost my destination, but it is time to regroup and refocus.
Labels: self help